Baumgartner Bedtime Tales

My husband is an infamous sleepwalker/sleeptalker. Since I am a night owl, this has made many of my nights quite entertaining. Unfortunately, it doesn’t happen EVERY night and I often work night shift, so my posts on this page will be sporadic. I wish I’d started documenting these earlier, because there are many funny “stories” and conversations we had before the earliest date on this page, but oh well.

Hope you enjoy! I’ll post more as I get them! The most recent will be at the top. 🙂

——————

March 21, 2014

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:
The Tale of the Dangerous Car

I wake up because Adam is across the bed whispering to himself, which freaked me out.

Me: “What are you doing?”

Adam, whispering: “Make sure you’re careful in the car.”

Me: “Uhh…ok. Why?”

Adam, still whispering: “Because it’s dangerous.”

Me: “Ok. Why is it dangerous?”

Adam: “Because sometimes they’re dangerous.”

Me: “Ohh. Ok…”

::A few minutes later::

Adam: “Why are you questing it?”

Me: “I don’t know, I just didn’t understand what you meant.”

Adam: “Well, sometimes guns are dangerous.”

What the heck is this guy dreaming and should I be scared?!? Haha!!
——————

January 5, 2014

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Blade

*Baby is sleeping with us tonight because she was running a fever earlier and we want to keep an eye on her. I am almost asleep when I hear Adam complain that the baby kicked him in the back:

Adam: “Where is her night-night?”

Me: “Her what?”

Adam: “Her night-night.”

Me: “What’s that?”

Adam: “Her blade.”

Me: “What?! Babies don’t carry blades! Did you give her one?”

Adam: “No, I don’t have one, honey.”

He quit responding to my prompts after that.

——————

December 27, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the 101 Dalmatians Reference

istockdalmatian

iStockphoto

Annabelle is outside barking profusely.

Adam: “I really want her to stop barking…”

Me, thinking, ok…that sounds normal enough…

Adam: “…but I’m afraid if I go out there, the puppies will get stolen and then their transmission will stall.”

I think it’s important to add here that we watch both versions of 101 Dalmatians in this house on a daily basis as it’s our daughter’s current favorite.

So I started laughing, making the connection.

Me: “Are you awake?”

Adam laughing, though he’s asleep: “Why are you laughing?”

Me: “Honey, are you sure you aren’t awake?”

He didn’t answer again after that.

——————

Oct. 22, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Mysterious Website

Me: “I love you.”

Adam: “I love you more.”

**Me thinking he’s at least semi-conscious**

Adam: “I keep thinking about you…”

Me: “…You keep thinking about me, what?”

Adam chuckles: “I keep thinking about how many years you’ve been up on this website.”

Me: “What website?”

Adam: “It’s one about you.”

Me: “About what?”

**I tried provoking him but he quit answering me!

——————

September 4, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of My Big Fat Nose

Me, getting up to blow my nose.

Adam: “Wha-ssat? Wha-ssat?”

Me: “I’m just blowing my nose, honey.”

Adam, snuggling his pillow: “You and your big, fat nose.”

Me, gasping: “Hey! I don’t have a big, fat nose!!”

——————

September 4, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of Taking Time

Adam: “Just taaaakin’ mah time.”

Me: “What?”

Adam: “Takin’ mah time.”

Me: “Taking time for what?”

Adam: “Thinkin'”

Me: “Thinking about what?”

Adam: “Stuff.”

——————

August 7, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Sharing Feature on Our Phones

Adam: “OH YEAH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT.”

Me, after jumping and nearly peeing on myself: “Forgot about what?”

Adam: “The sharing video thing.”

Me: “The what?”

Adam: “The sharing video thing on our phones.”

Me: “What video do you want to share?”

Adam: “Here, let me show you.” ::rolls over on his stomach, literally swiping at an imaginary screen with his finger:: “There, do you see it?”

Me, laughing.

Adam: “Stop making fun of me.”

Me: “I’m not making fun of you, I’m laughing because you are asleep.”

Adam smiles, rolls back over and falls back asleep.

——————

July 30, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Harry Potter Reference

Adam: “Were all this, Buckbeak.”

Me, laughing, because this is obviously a Harry Potter reference: “What?”

Adam: “There’s all this stuff on my face.”

Me: “What is it?”

Adam, propping himself up on his elbows, doing hand motions and everything: “There’s all this stuff just opening up in front of my face.”

Me: “Well, what is it?”

Adam: “I don’t know.”

Me: …

Adam: ….

Me:…

Adam: “Hehe.”

Me: “Haha!”

Adam: “Hahahaha!”

And then we both were just laughing together: he’s laughing because he thinks it’s funny, and I’m laughing because he has no idea he’s asleep.

——————

July 10, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Stair…Craft…Thing.

I am getting out of bed to make a potty trip when Adam grabs my arm.

Adam: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Adam: “Well be careful, you almost hit a [mumble].”

Me: “…I almost hit a what?”

Adam: “You almost hit a…stair…craft…thing.”

I just busted out laughing.

——————

July 10, 2013 (later…)

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Short Film

Adam, rolling over: “I love you.”

Me, thinking he must be awake: “I love you, too.”

*A few minutes pass*

Adam: “Oh! Don’t let me forget! I need to finish it.”

Me: “Finish what?”

Adam: “My film.”

Me, trying not to laugh: “Your what?”

Adam: “My short film.”

Me: “Ahh. Is it any good?”

Adam: “Hmm?”

Me: “Who wrote it? Is it any good?”

Adam: “No.”

*I laugh*

Adam, upset: “No, I mean I don’t know who wrote it.”

He stopped answering me after this!! Haha!

——————

July 12, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Groceries

Adam, rolling over: “What was all that stuff you just showed me?”

Me: “I didn’t show you anything, baby.”

Adam: “Mm.”

Me, seeing an opportunity: “Well, what did I show you?”

Adam: “You were showing me the groceries and stuff.”

Me: “Ooh. Like pickles?”

Adam: “Uh uh.”

Me: “And pizza?”

Adam: “Mmmm…”

Hahaha!!

——————

June 18, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Winner

Me, thinking Adam is conscious enough to talk: “I took my medicine.”

Adam: “Good Girl.”

Me: “What? Why am I a good girl?”

Adam: “You did it.”

Me: “…What did I do?”

Adam: “You won.”

Me: “What did I win?”

Adam: “You’re the winner.”

Me: “Yeah, but what did I win?”

He kept mumbling indiscernibly so I don’t know what I won, haha!

——————

May 25, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of Lucy

IMG_0070

Sweet Lucy

[I hear Lucy, our little Papillon, shaking out her fur and she loses balance, hitting the door. I chuckle.]

Adam, asleep: “What? What’s funny?”

Me: “Nothing baby, just Lucy.”

Adam: “Who’s that?”

Me: “Lucy.”

Adam: “Who?”

Me: “I was laughing at Lucy, baby.”

Adam: “Who’s that?”

Me, seeing an opportunity: “That’s my friend. Do you remember her?”

Adam: “No.”

Me: “The fat one?”

Adam: “Oh yeah.”

(PS, I meant no offense by that word and no, I do not refer to my friends as “the fat one” or any other word like that. I just say whatever pops in my head to try to get a reaction out of him!)

——————

March 20, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Freakiest Thing He’s Ever Said In His Sleep

Adam, waking me up: “Where are the demon baskets?”

Me: “WHAT?!? Shut up! Go to sleep!!”

——————

February 26, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the First Part of New York

Adam, rolling over: “I didn’t mean to.”

Me: “What?”

Adam: “I said I didn’t mean to.”

Me: “What did you do?”

Adam: “I said the first part of New York.”

Me: “Why’d you say that?”

Adam: “I don’t know.”

——————

February 21, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Very Sweet Sleeptalker

Adam, whispering: “I’m on your side. I’m on your side.”

Me: “You’re on my side?”

Adam: “Yes.”

Me, smiling, hoping I’m about to get something good: “Why?”

Adam: “Because I love you…”

Me: “Really?”

Adam: “I will always love you.”

That’s the least crazy and sweetest thing he’s ever said in his sleep!! I love you always, too!!!

——————

February 16, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Den

Apparently, my friends, the tables have turned. This is what happened last night, according to my husband.

Adam says he began to roll over. I moved in a panic, gripping him.

Me: “Where is the den?”

Adam: “What?”

Me: “Where’s the den?!”

Adam, annoyed at me, thinking I’m awake: “…what? What are you talking about?”

Me: “DEN?!”

Adam says he kept saying “What?” and I kept answering “Den!!!” until he started ignoring me, and then I went back to sleep. We have no den, and I have no recollection of this or any of my dreams last night. I wouldn’t have posted, but I figured it was only fair…

——————

February 13, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Mysterious Cry

The baby started crying very loudly across the room. I’m crawling across the bed so I can go check on her. Adam feverishly rolls over and props himself up on his elbow.

Adam, in a panic: “What does that mean?!”

Honestly, I had no response. I just laughed at him.

——————

February 11, 2013

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Mysterious Trips to Hawaii

Baby is across the room making odd noises. Adam stirs, looking at me:

Me: “Think we should check on her?”

Adam: ::mumbles something:: “…wystex.”

Me: “…what?”

Adam: ::mumbles again:: “…wystex. Why you sending couples to Hawaii?”

Me: “….”

Adam: “Sending couples to Hawaii.”

Me: “What?”

Adam: “Postcards.”

I need to stay up more often if I’m going to be catching gems like these…

——————

February 11, 2013 (later…)

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Unexplainable Sickness

Me, nudging Adam: “Honey, can you roll over?”

Adam, groggy: “Why?”

Me: “Because you are snoring very loud.”

Adam very whiny, bracing his forehead: “But I don’t want to. I will wake up sick in the morning.”

Me: “What do you mean you will wake up sick?”

Adam: “I slept on my side last night and woke up sick.” ::rolls over on his left side:: “Maybe if I sleep on this side, I won’t get sick.”

Me: “…okay…”

——————

June 14, 2012

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:
The Tale of the Annoying Princess

I finished getting ready for bed last night and when I came back, Adam was already asleep. His arm was on the baby’s bed and I didn’t want him to tip her out, so I gently lifted (or so I thought) his arm away so I could pull her away.

Adam: “OW!! Would you stop being a princess?!”

I stared at him, as he then gave me this sly smile like he was joking so I didn’t say anything…but I was correct in my assumption that he was NOT awake as he had no recollection of this this morning…

——————

June 16, 2012

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Mistaken Identity.

Adam stirs, accidentally bumping my arm while I am typing. He rests a hand on my forearm and back, saying, “I’m sorry…so sorry…I thought you were your father,” before rolling over.

——————

July 2, 2012

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the…Nevermind.

Adam: “Oh, I’m sorry I forgot about this.”

Me (for fun): “Forgot about what?”

Adam: “Honey, please don’t do that. I got this.”

Me: “Okay…”

Adam: “Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind.”

——————

July 5, 2012

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Best Dressed Trespass.

Adam, sleeping, literally taps me on the shoulder and whispers: “Come ‘ere, come ‘ere.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Adam, still tapping, whispering: “Come ‘ere, come ‘ere.”

Me: “Why?”

Adam, whispering frantically: “Best dressed, trespass. Best dressed, trespass. Best dressed, trespass…”

He finally stopped saying that but spent another two straight minutes tapping my shoulder.

——————

July 6, 2012

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Forgotten Money.

Adam: “Do you want $10 or $8?”

Me, answering with the obvious choice: “Well, I want the $10.”

Adam: “Okay.” ::A couple minutes later:: “I’m sorry I didn’t give it to you earlier, baby.”

Me: “That’s okay.”

——————

July 16, 2012

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Search for One That Stands.

I wake up to Adam sitting up. His hand is searching under our blanket.

Me: “What are you doing?”

Adam: “I’m just looking for one that’s standing up.”

His hand finds my leg, squeezing my knee and moving toward my ankle.

Me: “Why?”

Adam: “I just thought that would be better.”

He continues searching under the blanket.

“It’s ok,” I say, “It doesn’t have to be standing up.”

He sighs. “Ok. I just thought that would be better.”

He lays down and goes back to sleep.

——————

August 12, 2012
Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:
The Tale of the Movie I Never Made.

Adam, sitting up: “What do you think?”

Me: “What do I think about what?”

Adam: “About your movie.”

Me: “Mmm…I don’t know. What do you think?”

Adam: “Did they fall asleep?”

Me, for fun: “Yeah.”

Adam: “Are you awake?”

Me: “Yeeeaaahhh…”

He continues to lean on his elbow looking around. I bust out laughing.

Adam: “Why are you laughing?”

Me: “Are you awake?”

Adam: “Yes.”

Me: “Really? Because you were just asking me questions that sounded like you weren’t.”

Adam: “All I asked was, ‘Are you awake.'”

I then proceed to tell him our whole, short conversation, to which he laughs.

Ten bucks says he won’t remember any of this in the morning.

——————

October 6, 2012

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:The Tale of the Curious Sneeze.

Me, blowing my nose.

Adam, asleep and rolling over, speaking hurriedly and with a mumble.

Me: “What?”

Adam: “Are you throwing up?”

Me: “No, baby, I was just blowing my nose.”

Adam: “Oh.” ::laughs:: “I thought you were throwing up. It sounded weird like, “Org org!””

Rolls over and falls back asleep.

——————

October 6, 2012
Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:
The Tale of the Running Guys.
Not even 15 minutes later:
Adam lifts his head up: “Well, which way did he go? Right. That way?”
I am trying so hard not to laugh: “What did you say?”
He turns and looks at me with bloodshot eyes and mumbles to where I can’t understand so I ask him to repeat himself….
Adam: “There were a bunch of guys and did they start running? They started backing away and leaving. Did you see them?”
I turn away to smile since he’s just staring at me.
Me: “No…”
He goes back to sleep.
——————

October 11, 2012

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Swift Rabbit.

istockbunny

iStockphoto

Adam, rolled over on his side, appearing as if he’s looking at me over his shoulder.

Me: “Are you all right?”

Adam: “I was trying to catch it.”

Me: “…trying to catch what?”

Adam doesn’t answer right away. Mumbles: “I was trying to catch…”

Me: “What were you trying to catch?”

Adam, voice cracking: “I was trying to catch the rabbit.”

Me: “…Yeah?”

Adam, very whiny: “But he was too far away…”

The bed is almost shaking now as I try not to laugh. Then he begins to snore and I have to accept I will never know why he is trying to catch this rabbit or if he ever got it…

——————

October 16, 2012

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Soft, Fluffy Pillow.

Man with Sleeping mask sleep lying in bed

iStockphoto…no, this is not my husband…

Me, shaking him: “Honey, the baby is awake.”

Adam: “In my dream, I laid my head on a soft, fluffy pillow.”

Lol!!

——————

October 26, 2012
Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:
The Tale of the Plastic…Something…
Adam, rolling over quickly: “What the hell?!”
Me, looking up from my computer to see him waving one hand around like he’s waxing a car in the air: “What’s wrong?”
Adam: “What IS that?” ::still waxing an imaginary car::
Me, struggling not to laugh and break his sleep-spell: “Well, what does it look like?”
Adam, eyebrows harden as he continues waxing a car in the air: “Plastic.”
Me: “Oh. Okay.”
I asked him what kind of plastic and what color it was, but he fell back asleep…

——————

November 9, 2012

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of She.

Adam, sleeping, sitting up to roll over: “I’d be a good sleeper…”

Me: “You would be a good sleeper if what?”

Adam, smiling: “I’d be a good sleeper if she wasn’t real.”

Me: “Uh, if WHO wasn’t real?”

Adam: “Whoever this is.”

???

——————

**Couldn’t find a date for this one.
Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:
The Tale of the Mean Wife.
Sleeping…again…
Adam, mumbling: “Do you…do you think you can work something out to where you can work closer to where…to where she…”
Me: “To where she what?”
Adam: “To where she eats.”
Me: “No.”
Adam: “What are you talking about?”
Me: “No, I don’t think I can do that.”
Adam: “Why not?”
Me: “Because I don’t want to.”
Adam: “…well, then, you’re mean.”

——————

December 28, 2012
Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:
The Tale of the Abundant Carrots.
fresh carrots isolated on white background
Adam sleeping, lifts his head: “Thank you for that.”
Me: “For what?”
Adam: “For the carrots.”
Me: “Oh…you’re welcome. How many did you eat?”
Adam: “There were carrots. So many carrots.”
Me: “You had a lot, huh?”He wouldn’t tell me how many carrots I “gave” him.
——————
December 30, 2012
Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:
The Tale of Confusion.
Adam, rolling over quickly to look at our daughter: “Honey, what’s wrong with her face?!”
He sounds frantic, so I look at the baby: “Nothing, honey. She’s fine.”
Adam: “No. No, her face is red.”
Me: “No, it’s not. She’s fine, honey.”Adam: “It was beet red.”Me: ::Chuckling:: “No, it wasn’t, baby. She’s fine.”Adam: “What time is it?”

Me: “It’s 1:48 in the morning.”

Adam: “WHAT?!”

Me, turning my head to keep from laughing as he looks around at the ceiling.

Adam: “Honey, I took Nyquil to help me sleep. Why am I awake!?”

Me: “I don’t…I don’t know. You’ve only been sleeping for 30 minutes.”

Adam: “It looks like it’s daylight outside.”

Me: “It’s not.”

Adam: “Well, it looks like daylight.”

Me, chuckling: “No, it really doesn’t.”

Adam: “Don’t argue with me.” *Snores*

——————

December 30, 2012

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales Part 2:

The Tale of Father Like Daughter.

Adam, rolling over: “Anything…?”

I look at him, but he doesn’t continue. Less than 5 seconds later:

Our daughter: “Fa ma sa sa ga ga da….”

——————

October 25, 2011

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Wall that Had Something to Say.

::Me waking up to see Adam on his stomach in the dark, staring at the wall::

Me: “Babe, what are you doing?”

Adam: “I’m trying to read it.”

Me: “….honey, you’re staring at a wall. There’s nothing to read.”

Adam sternly: “I’m trying to READ it.”

Me: ::sighs and rolls over:: “Just go to sleep…”

——————

December 17, 2011

Baumgartner Bedtime Tales:

The Tale of the Unsatisfactory Disguise.

Me, waking up in the dark to see Adam semi-sitting up across from me.

Adam: “The disguise isn’t going to work.”

Me: “What?”

Adam: “It’s not going to work. We’re going to have to figure something else out.”

::Me realizing he’s asleep:: “Oh. Ok. Well, we’ll figure it out tomorrow. Go back to sleep.”

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